What hurts more than finding someone who does not want to be found?
I never said i want you gone. Perhaps i did, but i wasn’t myself. I probably agreed when you asked me “Do you want me to leave?” but you bestowed the wrong question and you caught me off guard. If the question was “Do you want me to stay?” instead, i would have nodded my head because that’s the most basic response – it’s short. Safe. But you have never chose the latter, so, sorry is all i’m saying. Sorry that my silence meant yes to you.
You finally decided to abandon the space only you can fill. Guess this is something you’ve been planning long ago. With that, i wonder if my answers would ever matter and change your state of mind. Did you cry when you wrote the letter and leave it on my mattress? Have you had a hard time lifting your bag – heavy and full? I want to know and imagine how many times you opened and closed the door. Because maybe it’ll hurt a little less.
The day’s slowly ending, night is close. I was actually hoping you’d appear at the doorstep and wave hello saying “I just went out for the day, i needed fresh air.” Tell me this is just a bad dream and when tomorrow comes, there’s no pain caused by your leaving.
“Do you want me to stay?”
Ask me this again and i’ll say yes.
grace 