tuesday

It has been a while.

Finally, I grabbed the tiniest courage left in me to put my tempest thoughts into words. I do not know if I can or if I should. Because once I write it, it will be true. If I do though, it might only clear off my mind. So, this is me gambling.

Gambling for my sleeping passion.

Gambling with little strength, against the compelling death of willingness.

Every day I wake up, facing all the same things. Facing what I already saw for the previous years. It is like watching different movies with different plots but they all have the same endings. At night I sleep knowing that tomorrow will just be like yesterday and the day before yesterday and the day before that day.

I do not enjoy the things I used to find fascinating. Even the very thing that functions as my outlet doesn’t work anymore.

And it terrifies me, it breaks me.

How is this even possible? This is frustrating beyond words. Maybe one can understand and that’s definitely not me. And maybe time can only tell.

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I just hope it does before the passion comes underground.